I officially and completely moved outta my apartment on Sunday, two days ago. Now about 80% of my stuff is at my old roommate's new apartment, 15% of my stuff is in my car, and the remaining 5% is in a suitcase at my best friend's parents' house. I'm finding myself struggling a little bit with not having all of my stuff within 10 minutes of my person. Now, I wouldn't call myself materialistic at all, but it's not easy when all I want is my laptop or shoes other than my crocks and I remember that they are an hour away in an apartment that is not mine. In only a few days I'll be transitioning to yet another friend's parents' house...then, finally! into an apartment to stay: College Towers apartment 469!!
Transitioning this much is really tough for me, it always has been. You'd think I'd be used to it after moving around a ton as a kid, but nope. It takes me a while to adjust and get comfortable in a new place. Initially, I always wanna withdraw into myself to deal with the changes. Meanwhile, in times of transition, the very last thing I wanna deal with is the stuff going on in my heart. I do desire to see God as truly faithful in all of His promises, but I feel like it's taking a ton of my strength to continue doing my best at work in the midst of all this transitioning. I would LOVE to take some time off to just relax, but yeah, that's definitely not an option.
So here I am, wanting to hold God to keeping His promises and not under-delivering....but, I get caught up in the not seeing anything happening now, especially when I'm finding myself incredibly distracted by moving all over the place. I mean, I do believe God spoke clearly about something a few weeks ago, I also know that my desired timing may be completely out of harmony with God's timing, and that's really difficult for me! "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 and I know that's kinda the point of faith in God's promises. Nothing in God's promises guarantees I'll be able to see Him deliver every step of the way, just that what He has told me will come to be. Really though, I am constantly looking for evidence of anything I'm asked to put my faith in...and when there isn't evidence, I find myself doubting. Right now, all I have is what God has clearly told me, and while that's a lot, more than two weeks have passed and I have nothing more to cling to than I did then. So yeah, it's challenging to see God's word as enough right now. I think it really comes down to: Am I focusing on trusting God to deliver on what He's promised? or Am I looking to control the situation by seeing each twist and turn of how God is gonna deliver?
Truth: God is big, I am small! Not that He has to at all, but God has shown Himself incredibly faithful with many small things in my life that I can trust Him to be faithful with much more! I know God's timing to be so much better than my own! If He would have given into my timing in this situation, I would not have the intimacy with Him that I've experienced this past month. There are dear friends passionately praying for this situation in my life, ones praying for patience and continued clarity, so I can be certain that God is indeed completely in charge. Finally, an important truth that I think I need to struggle through more is that God DOES NOT CHANGE!! No matter what my life is doing, if it's doing somersaults and backflips, God is constant!!
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