Yes, I have a lot of preparing for summer camp I need to be doing, and could have had done two months ago, and yes, I'm instead choosing to blog nothing of great importance, but no, I am not a procrastinator.
I, in fact, am an escapist to my core! While procrastination is definitely a byproduct of my escapist tendencies, it alone does not satisfy to define me. I don't like to deal with hard stuff...really at all. Things that are important to me but not of high impact to my relationships are better ignored to my well-being. I avoided working on my Master's Project every chance I got. As a child, I found places to be alone with my thoughts, though not to deal with them but to get far enough away that my mind could wander wherever it may. As I got older, this became a coping mechanism that showed itself through playing a lotta video games and reading a lotta books to escape reality. Nowadays, I take naps even when I really don't need them, or I look forward to what specific things in my future might be like. Ha! And I remember being a little surprised last summer when a sermon about discontentment being a sin struck me.
God's definitely been calling me out on what my discontentment says to Him and to others about Him. I'm quite bluntly saying, "I know You're God and everything, but if I were in charge, I could make my life A LOT better." It's so dumb! Even looking back at a time in my life where God let me take the reins reminds me that my life would actually be wretched if I were in charge. I deeply desire to not be an escapist, and to embrace fully the life He has for me, trials and all, because I know that these things are only temporary. Instead of putting my hope in today and the near tomorrow, and deeming those of greater importance, I desire to be focused on "an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for[me]." 1Peter 1:4
Definitely could use your prayers that God would continue to challenge my discontentment so that I may no longer seek to escape this life and its trials. He has much, MUCH better things in store!
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